Dear 4th May . . .

                        

                         You gave me love , you gave me life                           

A thousand reasons to make me smile

 for when he was around, I felt so light

and the day he went, I could only cry

although I can’t touch him,

.....can’t hug him tight

but I always feel him by my side

 yes, this is love and I got it right <3

I know its 1st of January today. The day when the world ushers into celebration, I just don't feel like being a part of this bash. I want to celebrate you. You have been kind enough to bless me with a person whom I can never take off from my mind, even for a second. I still remember that debate competition where we first met and I never thought that the guy I had a crush on would approach me someday. However, I restricted ourselves to friendship but later even I couldn’t resist. I was smitten by the love bug for the very first time and in each moment of that feeling was nothing short of being on cloud 9.

I remember years back, on new years eve. I was dying to wish him and desperately wanted him to be my first wisher. As we were in our dens we couldn't call but yes , thanks to the missed call system, as the TV actors shouted 3...2...1... Banggg.. My phone rang , I saw his num smiled and called him back ..in reply. As everybody was busy with the calls, I took a side and texted " happy new year . jaldi reply karna . I have to go " as soon as I got the tick of " msg sent", my phone beeped and that was probably the best new year msg till date " I promise I ll love you more with the coming years. Happy new year ! "

 Last year, on 1st jan he left everybody and went . . . and they tell me to celebrate the day. It took me days to understand what really has happened. I mean he promised that he will take a job, get settled and then he would ask my family. We were not even in the mid-way. How can he just leave? And that too without informing. I will never ever talk to him.
 You know, he is always around, keeps watching but never has he initiated a convo. I regularly send him msgs on fb but he doesn’t even has the time to read them. You know how it feels  :(
Each time I look up at the sky, I see his face. Whenever I look good, I see him winking at me. Every time I get a blink on my phone from an unknown number, I pray its him. But ... its never him. I feel lost. .Will I ever get a chance to touch him again, hug him or at least see him once?                                       My mind is always over-occupied with his thoughts. Everything related to him keeps rewinding. It’s like a song on the repeat mode. I hear it the whole day, everyday and still I feel the same in it’s every go. You know which is the best day for me? The night he comes to meet me in the dreams turns out to be my best day. Whole day I just relive my dream, I thank him and I fell in love all over again.

Sab kehte h “ sab thik ho jaega “  “time heals” . . kya thik ho jaega ? I seriously don't get it.  Will they bring him back ?  And as far as my so called “wounds” are concerned, I don’t wanna get healed. If he is the wound, I am ready to take the pain, like FOREVER.
So dearest 4th may , I thank you with all my heart for making him come into my LIFE. You are the most special day of the year. THANK YOU and  One last favour. .  Just pass on this message to him
 “    Hey there. How are you? Busy enough I guess. Look you can’t get rid of me and you don’t even want to ,right ? With each passing day, your memories aren’t fading away, rather it is getting stronger. Sometimes, I just imagine how  beautiful life would have been if just, I could have “ACCESS” to you, now don’t make faces, I know you are watching. But I get to see you only in the dreams. So make your cameo in my dreams as frequent as possible. Very often I have this dream of receiving a text from you saying “YAHIN HOON MAIN”  .Ek bar reality me bhi bhej do . . .
  Waise Bada hero bante the tum “cannot see you cry and kya kya”  ab kya hua?   How do you see me crying ?                                    At least ek bar to chup karane ajao.. Bas ek bar. I promise I ll never cry again. I ll just hold you and …. And never let you go. I ll never irritate you. I promise I ll never fight..                                                                                        I am still here my love and I am waiting for you. Your soul may have left your body, but it still resides in mine. Deep within I am dying and I am sure you must not be liking that. I miss you yaar. Plz come back !                                     LOVE YOU till my heart beats and may be, even after that. 

Awaiting your reply. “

First Love ...

DEAR FIRST LOVE,

The first time my heart beat ran faster

The first time I lied to myself 

The first time I really wanted a mirror

The first time my mind blew

It was only because of YOU .

I may not be able to use the appropriate words to describe you because "YOU" are one of the most special miracles that ever happened to me. Since the childhood days, I had decided "Mera husband papa jaisa hoga", but as I grew, I realised that there is a lot more between my papa and husband, and there you came , My First Love

The morning assemblies would never have been such a bliss. I still remember fighting to my friends just to find a place from where I could take a glimpse of you. The cultural programmes never interested me but as an audience or as a participant I paid more focus on you than my performance. Those lunch breaks, aahhhh . . inspite of all that “ food fights “ I never forgot to notice you , because each time you came to drink water, I automatically felt thirsty.

The madness I felt thinking about you, made me crazier. While going to the computer lab, whenever I passed through your class, I noticed your friends teasing you and that’s what I faced “ dekho TMHARA WALA. Ek baar dekh to lo yaar“ .Though I pretended to be irritated but deep down, I could feel my heart jumping. I tried to hide my smile but it always refused to go. It has always dutifully came along with your name.

I still see the same brightness and that shyness when I see my younger ones going through the same phase. Now, atleast they have whatsaap. They can send pics, “a beating heart”, smileys (including the kisses too). But all that we had , was a “normal” phone with a message pack (only if you were lucky enough), an over-excited mind and a “24-hours” smiling face and yes, not to forget that deleting of messages which caused the deepest pain.

Oh, how can anyone describe you?  HOW?

It’s the first time feeling of doing “ANYTHING” for someone. It’s like, riding a horse whom we don’t know how to control. It’s like, eating ice-cream in the winter. We know it would harm us but still, we can’t resist.

You are one thing, nobody can ever forget. EVER. Although everybody is not blessed enough to keep you with them all through their life but I am thankful you happen to everyone. For some, you go till a really good distance, for some u come only from one-side and for some, you are just “ bachpana tha yaar “ .

Thank you for letting me expand my boundaries, for giving me a life-time memory, for making my days special, for making me strong for the future, for making me realize what I really want.

Thank you for feeling me loved, for the very first time, my Love.

You will forever stay young in my memories!

Tujhse thi raat, tujhse thi raaton ki har karwat,

qki mere harsapne me tu tha, meri PEHLI MOHABBAT !

Dear Dreams ....

How are you? All good?

It’s been long we met. I remember my childhood days when you used to come with all those princess and fairies and magic and chocolates. I always pretended you in reality also. Life seemed so much easy when you were around. "Lagta tha magic ho raha ho".

You had badly captured me under your spell. I really wanted a life like you. Out of boundaries, out of responsibilities, you just run. In the open wind, in the dancing rain, on the wild roads, on the huge mountains, in the deep oceans, through the craziest way, you just run.

But as I grew I wonder why you just got restricted to my academics and my crushes. You had a lot more in store when I was a kid.

What has happened to u?

I know the fact that as we grow we start complicating life. May be our social world expands but our inner world, our imagination shrinks. We have ourselves shut the door through which you come. It must be humiliating to you and I am seriously sorry for that.

But my dear friend, I miss you badly. You made me live the life I wanted, you made be travel places I have never had heard of, you made me swim in the river of chocolates, you made me walk on the rainbow, you made me smile, you made my day.

Everything has changed and so has the people’s perception towards you. When we ask a simple question “What is your dream?” What we get as a reply is “I want to be a doctor”. “I want to crack IIT”. “I want to serve my country” and so does it continues. Even small kids are matured enough to give a meaningful reply. But this is so not you man. I don’t think you have anything to do with this complicated competitive world. Nobody answers “I want to swim like a fish” or “I want a home on a tree” or “I want to fly with the wind.”

As a child, I always wanted to meet you in reality, see you with my naked eyes, and feel you all through my senses but now as I grown up, I have realized that the world around is too immature to understand your depth and too impure to guard your serenity. You are better off in your magic world dude. Nobody really cares here, even for the living beings who are in real and you, you still far from both of these. But yes, there are still some like me, in love with you, deeply, madly and totally.

See you then my night love. Stay in touch and keep meeting.

I really do miss u!

Dear Replica

    

Dearest Replica,

Your sparkling big eyes, your million-dollar smile, your golden heart.

My dear replica, why are you so superb?

Although we all are made differently but at sometime or the other, we discover a replica of us in someone close, be it the looks, acts or thoughts. 

As far as I am concerned, I haven’t found my replica but how come you found “ME” as your replica. Seriously you are a soul beyond what words can define. You are not an easy nut to crack. Let me tell you, You ain’t normal and dear replica, you have to accept this. You are so like “the girl-next-door” and you are still not so ordinary. You are so childish and yet so mature. And yes at times I do find you as crazy as I am (at times even more than me) and then the other moment I see you caring for me as a mother. You make me feel loved & pampered, like never before and your scolding’s … eeeeee, nobody has ever done it the way you do. But your scolding never hurts, because I know all you wish is to get the best out of me, but Girl how did you ever think I’d ever be at par with you? 

You know what, your smile seems to have the most powerful strength of the world and even a drop from your eyes, makes my vision go blurred. I see an aura of white light flashing behind you whenever you come to express love & affection. Ah, you heavenly creature! I so want to be like you. I want to talk the way you do. I want to walk like you, think like you. .  love like you. 

Can’t you share your secret? How can you make everyone fall for you? And by everyone, I seriously mean everyone. 

Being your “part-2” is the best compliment one can ever get and through one way or the other, I have been lucky enough to get this award ☺

It’s your happy janam diwas today. You always complain I never write for you but this is what I had in my stores.

It’s been almost 3 years with you and I am still not able to figure out how you manage to be “YOU”, “SO-AMAZING-YOU”.

And yes, being your Replica is a lot more than what I deserve. I am just happy to be “YOURS”.

Love you for million, no wait... billion .. aah no..!! trillion more years.... or may be I just love you forever !

Happy birthday Replica!